You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah! by Fiona Rosenbloom

You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah! by Fiona Rosenbloom

Author:Fiona Rosenbloom [ROSENBLOOM, FIONA]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Little, Brown Books for Young Readers
Published: 2023-08-29T00:00:00+00:00


14.

Avocado Schmear with a Side Order of Fried Friendship

It was becoming a party divided.

After the infamous kiss, we retreated to the kitchen, where we scoured the refrigerator for ingredients. Avocados, mayonnaise, olive oil, bananas, Crisco oil—anything fit for a spatula. We were going to make food masks. I started with some honey on Kelly’s face and then layered on some oatmeal. Megan was busy mixing sugar, water, and canola oil because she heard that was an excellent exfoliant.

Honestly, I would have preferred being in my bed curled up in the fetal position crying myself to sleep, but I took Lydia’s lead and pretended I didn’t care about her or Andy or whatever it was people were saying they did at the swimming quarry. It was so strange—one minute we were about to make up with each other, the next we were icing each other out.

But truth be told, I cared so much, I feared I might never recover if I let myself feel even an ounce of this hurt. So, in the spirit of trying not to care, I stayed.

A huge island counter divided Kym Armstrong’s kitchen in half. Kelly and I and these two girls that I never knew anyone was friends with, Lucy Trellis and Amanda Stern, were stationed on one side of the table, and Lydia, Kym, Sara Langley, and Megan were seated on the other. I guess no one, especially not the Pipers, loves a loser.

Soon Lydia’s side of the table began whispering and gossiping and we tried our hardest to ignore them. It felt as if Lydia was now confirming every bad thing I ever thought about myself. Like even though she used to tell me that I was beautiful and amazing, she must not have ever really meant it. If she had, then why would she have done this?

As Kelly rubbed avocado on my face, I was starting to feel vaguely claustrophobic. She mixed some Crisco with banana and castor oil and dropped a handful on top of my head before kneading it in. Then Megan Riley said, “So Lydia, is Andy a good kisser?” a little too loudly for my taste.

Lydia whispered her answer and all the girls started giggling.

Lucy Trellis turned to me and said, “You’re too good for Andy, Stacy.”

And then on Lydia’s side, Megan said, “Stacy couldn’t get Andy if she tried.”

And then on my side, Amanda said, “Yeah, well, Lydia clearly deserves a boy who breaks up a best friendship. Stacy does not.”

And then Kym gave the ultimate hit.

“Maybe Stacy couldn’t get Andy because she thinks she’s funnier than she actually is.”

And that just did it. I was furious. I got out of my seat, ran my fingers across my eyelids to clear off the avocado gunk, and walked over to Kym, shaking and fuming. I stuck my finger in her face and said, “You know what, Kym? You’re about as funny as my Torah portion—which is about sacrifice! Also, it’s very interesting to me that all of you are overlooking a very vital fact.



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